Things That Bug Me

Okay, I've got this blog at my disposal and I haven't even been using it as such. That changes today. Here goes a pointless rambling that barely expresses an opinion that no one cares about! Hooray for the internet!

I hate the dental care aisle. Since when did something so simple require so many choices? I remember when you needed a new toothbrush you had two choices: red or blue. Need a tube of toothpaste? Crest or Colgate. Maybe Aqua Fresh if you really liked stripes. Mouthwash? Scope or Listerine. One will get you drunk; the other will make you throw up. Dental floss? Cinnamon or string flavored.

It was simple, quick and easy. Everything cost about the same and everything did the same thing. But not anymore. Let's start with toothbrushes. Let's break them down--bristles on a stick. Simple. Not anymore. Toothbrush technology has taken the simple, unassuming toothbrush into the realm of the over-engineered glitter stick. They have ergonomically shaped handles to fit your hand and rubber traction pads so you don't slip and jam the toothbrush down your throat. They have bristles that protrude in every direction, apparently so you can brush all your teeth simultaneously. Molar reachers, gum stimulators, wear indicators, spinning heads, ultra-sonic vibration. How about something that holds toothpaste and scrubs teeth?

Toothpaste is even worse. How many innovative toothpaste dispensers have been invented over the years? The pump, easy-squeeze stand-up tubes, no-mess tips... and yet the basic tube still exists. In four different sizes. And wasn't there a time that all toothpaste had to do was clean teeth and prevent cavities? Now there's plaque protection, whitening, breath freshening varieties. Just clean my teeth!

Mouthwash? They turned the corner into marketing hell when Listerine made the blue flavor. Listerine is supposed to taste bad and like medicine. That's how you knew it was working. Scope was the good tasting stuff. In fact, it tasted too good. But now Listerine has four flavors. And they all do the same thing!!!

I could keep going, but I think you see my point. If you don't, it breaks down like this. Retail space is limited and generally dental care is given one aisle at your store. Now there are a lot of companies fighting for shelf space, very limited shelf space. The companies that make all this stuff want you to buy their stuff, not their competitors. But if they only have one type of toothpaste, well that doesn't take up much space. So they make eight varieties of toothpaste in three different dispensers in four different sizes. Suddenly the company needs one-third of the aisle just to hold their one product: toothpaste. That's it folks. Marketing for the sake of market share.

Okay, and I'm pissed it takes me ten minutes to find a simple, green toothbrush for under $3.